Cry for Help
by sweeet-as-honey
Summary: Set after Holby Sin City. Ethan arrives home from the police station. Cal tries to work out what's wrong.
1. Chapter 1

_This is obviously based on Holby Sin City. I actually didn't enjoy the episode that much when I watched it, but I woke up with this idea in my head. It wouldn't go away so I'm afraid I'm inflicting it on you._

* * *

Cal awoke with the impression he wasn't alone.

The thought made him smile. He liked waking up to find he wasn't alone. It was usually a sign of a great night – whether he could remember it or not.

Smiling, he reached across the bed to where he expected the girl to be, but he felt nothing and could smell nothing to suggest a girl had ever been there. Confused, Cal rolled over onto his other side, but he was right on the edge of the bed and there wasn't space for anyone else.

Then a voice said his name. "Cal?"

It was dark. Cal couldn't see who was standing there: only that there was a dark figure with a hat on, but he knew who it was. He reached for the light switch and looked at the doorway again, only to gasp at the state of his brother. He was dripping wet and shivering and he'd forgotten to change out of his scrubs. His face was wet too: at least some of it was probably rainwater, but Ethan's little gasps for breath sounded so much like sobs, Cal guessed there were tears on his face too.

At first Cal was too stunned to do anything. All he could do was stare at his little brother in horror and wondered what could have happened. Then the doctor part of his brain woke up and told him Ethan needed to get out of his wet things.

And by the time he'd reached Ethan's side, the caring big brother part of his brain had woken up too. He put his arms around Ethan and held him tightly. "What happened, Nibbles? It's okay. It's going to be okay."

Ethan's only answer was to burst into proper sobs. He was shaking hard and Cal didn't think it was just that he was shivering with cold. Something had happened. Something terrible.

Cal felt panic rising inside him, but he knew he couldn't let it take hold. He stroked Ethan's back and told him again that everything would be okay, even though he was terrified it wasn't true. Then he felt the rain from Ethan's coat seeping through his pyjamas and stepped away from him, though he kept his hands on Ethan's shoulders.

"Ethan, listen to me. I know you're upset and I'm going to help you, but first you need to take your wet clothes off or you'll catch pneumonia. I know you probably don't care at the moment. I know you probably think you couldn't feel any worse if you did catch pneumonia, but it will make you feel worse and I care even if you don't." Cal heard his voice shake slightly; he took a steadying breath and continued. "Besides, if you get pneumonia, I'll have to take you to the ED and I don't think you want that right now."

He wasn't sure if Ethan had heard. He was still crying and shivering and he looked horribly pale too, Cal realised. He took the hat carefully from Ethan's head and then put it out of the way on the floor. Then he gently undid his coat and put that on the floor too. He touched Ethan's arms and discovered his scrub top was also wet, so he removed both that and the t-shirt he wore underneath it. Ethan's trousers were wetter still.

"Okay: come and sit on the bed for a minute," said Cal. He helped Ethan to sit down, wrapped him in his duvet, then knelt and removed Ethan's shoes and socks as carefully as he could. Ethan was still crying and Cal doubted he was capable of doing it himself. Cal rubbed Ethan's feet dry with a random item of clothing he'd found on the floor. It probably wasn't ideal, but at least he could reach it without letting go of Ethan.

Letting go of Ethan didn't seem to be advisable at the moment, but Cal was only too aware he'd have to leave him soon.

"Ethan, I need you to take your trousers off for me: okay?" said Cal. There was no answer from Ethan. Just more tears. A sudden, horrifying thought entered Cal's head and he stood up, grasping at Ethan's shoulders. "Oh God, Ethan, did someone hurt you? Attack you?" Still no reply. Cal felt his legs shaking and sat beside Ethan. "Ethan, I know you don't want to talk and that's fine, but please nod or shake your head. Did someone attack you?"

Ethan slowly moved his head from side to side.

"Thank God!" said Cal emotionally, hugging Ethan again, but in a moment, he was back in control. "Ethan, you do need to take your trousers off. If you can't do it yourself, I'll have to do it for you. But it's okay. It's not like I haven't done it before and I'm a doctor so you can trust me."

Ethan continued sobbing, but he managed to nod his head.

"Good!" said Cal, even though it wasn't. Nothing about what was happening was good, though at least Ethan had come to him. He'd known Cal would look after him. Despite everything.

Cal made sure Ethan's legs were covered by the duvet. It was a double one and gave Ethan some illusion of privacy. It wasn't necessary when Cal was his brother, but he knew Ethan was feeling vulnerable and he didn't want to do anything that might increase the feeling. He carefully removed Ethan's trousers and moved away, but Ethan grabbed at his hand, his distress clearly increasing.

"Okay: you can come with me," said Cal softly. He helped Ethan to his feet and held his hand as they walked the few steps to Cal's chest of drawers. His clothes were shoved randomly into any old drawer, but he managed to find a pair of pyjama bottoms which he knew were clean because they would be on the floor if they weren't. "Here you are, Ethan." He knelt down in front of him. "Can you lift your foot up for me? That's right. And your other foot? There." Once the pyjama bottoms were on, Cal gave him a hug. "Well done. You're doing really well. Now let's just sit here for a bit."

Ethan didn't argue. Cal put his arms around Ethan. He rocked him and stroked his hair and told him everything was going to be okay, but he felt so helpless. He didn't seem to be making Ethan feel better and he still had no idea what had happened.

"Listen, Ethan: I know you don't want to be left on your own, but I need to go and make you some tea," said Cal. "That should help you to feel calmer and warm you up a bit. Will you be okay if I leave you for just a few minutes?"

Ethan continued to cry, but then he nodded.

"I won't be long," said Cal. He gave Ethan a tissue and another hug. "If you need anything, just call me. Or come and find me." He hesitated, realising Ethan probably wouldn't call if he was struggling to speak and he might not have the strength to walk as far as the kitchen. He looked despairingly around his room. He knew he had a football rattle somewhere, but it could be anywhere. With sudden inspiration, he grabbed his alarm clock and set the alarm to the current time. "Ethan, if you need me, just press the switch to turn the alarm on and I'll come and find you."

Cal went to the kitchen. His heart was pounding and he realised how terrified he was. Ethan had said he hadn't been attacked and Cal was relieved to hear it, but something had obviously happened to him. What had he been doing out in the rain anyway? It couldn't have been any kind of emergency where they'd needed a doctor on-site. Ethan wasn't wearing the right clothes. It must have been something that had taken place outside the hospital building, somewhere where there was no protection from the rain, but presumably still on the premises.

But there was so much more to the story than that. Cal was sure it couldn't be a simple case of losing the patient. Not unless he'd known the patient personally – but if that were the case, he shouldn't have been treating them. Perhaps he'd stood outside and watched and got wet, but Cal was sure someone would have made him go inside.

And if Ethan had known the patient, who could it have been? Who could mean this much to Ethan? It obviously wasn't Cal, though Cal had wondered lately if he meant anything to Ethan at all. Honey? Had she come back to see Ethan or perhaps Noel and met with some accident? Or was it Lily? She was obviously trying to get her hooks into Ethan, and Ethan had been quite into Lily until Honey had started working at the hospital.

Cal gave a small, emotionless smile. That was the thing about Ethan. You could count the number of girls he'd been interested in on one hand. Recently, there had only been two.

Though there had been that patient. The beautiful, dark-haired femme fatale. Cal hadn't seen her for a while and he wasn't aware that Ethan had either, but Ethan had certainly liked her. He'd even started spouting poetic rubbish to her in the middle of the ED.

Had she broken Ethan's heart?

That actually seemed more likely than anything. A broken-hearted Ethan might possibly forget to get changed out of his scrubs and then go for a walk in a thunderstorm. You couldn't think straight when you had a broken heart. It filled your whole mind and there was barely space for the little things like remembering to change your clothes and making sure the weather was suitable for going for a walk.

Even that didn't quite make sense though. Ethan's clothes had been damp underneath the coat too. And was that coat even Ethan's? Cal didn't remember seeing it before, but he'd never approved of Ethan's dress sense and always tried not to look too closely. And going for a walk in the rain was one thing, but doing it in the middle of the night? Cal could imagine doing it himself, but he was sure that even a heartbroken, rejected Ethan would have more sense.

Cal put several generous spoonfuls of sugar into Ethan's cup and carried it back to his room. Ethan, to his relief, seemed slightly calmer. He'd taken his glasses off and was drying his tears, though he still looked upset.

"Here you are," said Cal. "Be careful: it's hot."

Ethan took the cup from Cal and had a cautious sip. His face twisted with disgust.

"Yeah, I know it's got too much sugar in it, but you've had a shock," said Cal. He sat beside Ethan and put his arm around him. "Go on. It'll make you feel better."

Ethan had some more. Then his face went even paler and threw up all over his pyjamas.

Or rather Cal's pyjamas.

Ethan dropped his head.

"It's all right. Don't worry about it." Cal took the tea away from Ethan and gave him a hug. "I probably did go overboard with the sugar. It wasn't your fault and it's not like you could have told me you weren't feeling well." A thought occurred to him. He'd assumed Ethan was pale because of some kind of distressing incident, but perhaps he was actually ill. He could be delirious or something. That would explain his strange behaviour. "Ethan, can you look at me for a minute?"

Ethan turned his head towards Cal. Cal hadn't seen his eyes before. Not properly. Only through his steamed-up glasses. But they were dilated; unfocused. And not just squinting because he didn't have his glasses on. He just wasn't looking at Cal at all.

Cal was trembling, but he knew he had to ask. "Ethan, have you taken anything? Like drugs?"

Ethan's eyes filled with tears again and he nodded.

Cal couldn't speak.

A drug addict. His little brother. And Cal hadn't even realised. Too wrapped up in his own problems as usual.

Cal was tempted to throw himself down on his bed and howl even more loudly than Ethan had done, but that wouldn't help anyone. "Right. We need to go back to the ED." He found Ethan some more pyjamas. "Put these on. I'll drive you: it'll be quicker than calling an ambulance and I'll be able to treat you if you get worse. We'll take a bucket in case you're sick again. Okay? Can you get changed for me?"

Ethan nodded. Cal went off to find him a bucket and a dry coat. He returned, half-expecting Ethan not to have got changed, but he'd done it. He'd put his shoes on too. He sat, staring down into his lap, not crying anymore.

Perhaps all he'd wanted was for Cal to guess.

Cal sat beside him and gave him a hug. "I'm proud of you, Ethan. It took guts to tell me the truth."

Ethan looked startled. Cal guessed the wide eyes were an effect of the drugs he'd taken.

The drugs _his little brother_ had taken.

But there was no time for Cal to let himself be upset. "Come on: we'd better go. Can you stand up?"

He helped Ethan to stand. He helped him out of the flat and into the car.

And all the time, he was hoping and praying that there was another explanation for this. That Ethan wasn't a drug addict. That he'd taken the drugs accidentally.

It didn't occur to Cal that the truth might – in some ways – be even worse.


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you so much for all the reviews, favourites and follows - I am completely overwhelmed! I wasn't going to write any more chapters and even now I have mixed feelings as I'm scared the new chapters won't be as good. But as so many of you were kind enough to ask, I really wanted to try. So here's Chapter 2 and there will probably be three chapters altogether._

 **CasualtyFanForever81** , thank you for the review and for asking for more. I'm really happy you like it so far.

 **ETWentHome** , thank you so much for your kind words - you're always so lovely and I really appreciate it.

 **Becs2202** , thank you for the review. I think you're probably right - the episode almost seemed to be from an AU or something!

 **Guest** , thank you very much for your kind words. Here is the second part you requested, with another to follow. I hope you like it!

 **CBloom2** , thank you, I really liked your story too. There were a couple of similarities, but lots of differences too so don't worry.

 **Jinxy13112** , aw thank you so much for your review! It's so lovely that you want to read more - I hope you like the new chapters.

 **Teeloganroryflan** , here is the Part 2 you requested! I hope you like it and thank you so much for your kind words.

 **AVMabs** , it did make a nice change to write about Cal looking after Ethan so well! Thank you so much for your review and for wanting to read more.

 **VictoriaAnnxx** , thank you for your review. I like to see Cal being there for Ethan too. You'll find out Cal's reaction in Chapter 3

 **LittleBritishPerson** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you thought it was a good start. I have to agree - poor Ethan!

 **charlibear13** , thank you for your review. I wasn't going to write more, but I changed my mind! I hope you like it.

 **TatoPotato** , yes, there will be more! Thank you for your lovely review and I'm happy you like all the details.

* * *

Getting Ethan down the stairs was a nightmare. He was shaking, and putting one foot in front of the other seemed a far from simple task. Cal held onto him as tightly as he could whilst still keeping hold of the bucket, but he was still afraid. Several times, he considered picking Ethan up and carrying him the rest of the way, but he was worried he might miss his footing and cause Ethan to fall. So Cal kept his arms around him and spoke in an encouraging voice which he hoped betrayed no signs of his terror.

At last, they reached the bottom of the stairs. It was still raining and Ethan had no hat this time. Cal unlocked the car from the doorway and tried to hurry his brother across the car park, using his body to shield Ethan from the rain, but it was a slow journey, or so it seemed to Cal.

When they reached the car, Cal helped him into front passenger seat. He put the bucket on Ethan's lap and looked at him for a moment. The man in the car was unquestionably his brother, but he looked unlike him. Cal had seen Ethan pale before; he'd certainly seen him tense and afraid, though not recently. But his hunched posture was all wrong and as Cal watched, the tears began to pour down Ethan's face again and that was wrong too.

Cal was fighting tears of his own as he got into the car. He dashed his hands across his eyes and leaned over to give Ethan a hug. "We'll be there soon, Ethan. We can get through this. I promise. You're strong and I know you can get through it and I'll be here." Cal blinked away more tears and started up the engine. He kept his gaze mostly on the road ahead, but every moment, he was excruciatingly aware of Ethan crying at his side.

When they were about halfway there, Ethan put the bucket on the floor of the car and lifted his knees up to his chest, his hands over his face. He was still shaking and hadn't said a word. Cal desperately wanted to give him a hug, but he didn't want to let go of the wheel even for a moment. He couldn't risk crashing the car and hurting Ethan.

"Ethan, it's going to be okay," he said, but his voice sounded unconvincing and he wasn't sure he believed it. Perhaps, one day, Ethan would be okay, but it would be a very long time in the future. Ethan would probably have to go to rehab and Cal might not see him for months.

 _It's my fault_ , Cal thought as he tried not to cry. _I hurt him. I stole his money. Then I expected him to rescue me and risk his job in order to help the girl who took his money. No wonder he turned to drugs! And I didn't even notice!_

The idea of Ethan taking drugs seemed so impossible, Cal would never have believed it if Ethan hadn't confirmed it himself. But Cal had asked the question and Ethan had nodded. In any case, Cal could see for himself that Ethan had taken something.

Cal's hands were shaking now. He gripped the wheel more firmly and stared out in front of him, blinking his tears away. Ethan had always been the strong one, but now it was Cal's turn to be strong. He had to look after Ethan and right now, this meant keeping the car on the road and ensuring that Ethan got to the hospital safely.

There were times when Cal thought he couldn't manage it. More than once, he wished he'd called an ambulance so he could have hugged Ethan or at least held his hand, but he knew Ethan would want as few people as possible to know about his addiction. The paramedics wouldn't be unknown strangers but people he saw at the hospital every day. Cal guessed Connie would have to know, and there wasn't much going on in the hospital that Charlie didn't find out about. The doctor who treated him tonight would also have to know; Cal hoped it would be Zoe. She would treat Ethan kindly and she knew about addiction – as did Charlie, from a different perspective. But Cal was determined that no-one else should know Ethan's secret.

"Ethan, it's going to be okay," Cal said through a lump in his throat. "We'll ask for Zoe if we can and we'll just tell her what's been happening and she'll look after you. She won't judge you or punish you. She'll just help to make you better."

Ethan lifted his head and gave Cal a desperate look. He opened his mouth and formed shapes, his forehead creasing with the effort of trying to speak, but he soon gave up and slumped back against the seat, exhausted.

"I'll look after you," promised Cal. "I won't leave you. I don't think they'll let me treat you, but I won't leave you." He smiled painfully. "So I'll have to be on my best behaviour for once, won't I?"

Ethan sniffed and wiped his hands across his face. He shifted slightly in his seat, moving as close to Cal as his seatbelt would allow. Then he reached across the gap and held onto Cal's arm.

His grip was painfully tight, but Cal was glad to have physical contact with Ethan and made no objection.

"Not much further to go now," said Cal. "How are you feeling?" He mentally slapped himself and rephrased the question. "Do you feel sick?"

Ethan shook his head.

"That's good," said Cal, though he didn't doubt it would happen again. "If you do feel sick, will you be able to pick up the bucket and use it?"

Ethan nodded.

"That's good. You're doing very well," said Cal.

Then he felt a wave of desperation because by Ethan's standards, it was so completely untrue.

When they arrived in the ED car park, the first thing Cal did was give his brother a hug. Ethan hugged him back, burying his face in Cal's shoulder. They sat like that for a while, but Cal knew Ethan needed help and reluctantly let him go.

"Come on," said Cal. We'd better go inside."

Ethan nodded. To Cal's surprise, he got out of the car on his own, though he was leaning against it weakly when Cal walked round to his side of the car. He'd already shut the door, leaving the bucket inside. Cal considered getting it, then decided they probably wouldn't need it. Whoever was treating Ethan would give him a bowl.

Cal put his arm around him and they started walking. Even on the relatively flat ground of the car park, Ethan was unsteady. Cal told Ethan to put his arm around his waist. Ethan did as he was told. Cal tried to be encouraged by the fact that the drug hadn't affected his understanding, but he knew he was giving Ethan fairly basic commands. If he asked Ethan to administer morphine or intubate or use a defibrillator, he doubted Ethan would know what the words meant.

But it would pass, Cal reminded himself. He didn't understand words like that when he was drunk, but he usually knew them again by the next morning.

"Not far to go," said Cal. "Just a few more steps."

They went through the doors and caught sight of Lofty. Cal gave a sigh of relief, knowing Lofty would be kind to him and could be trusted to keep Ethan's condition to himself. Cal called to him and he came over at once.

"What happened?" said Lofty, instantly taking in the state of Ethan. "Is he drunk or something? What's he wearing?"

Cal glanced down guiltily. He'd forgotten Ethan was wearing his pyjamas and realised it was a long way from the sort of attire Ethan preferred to wear to the ED. "That was my fault. I wasn't thinking. I was just so worried." Cal's voice was shaking; he swallowed hard. "I was going to put him to bed so I gave him my pyjamas to wear, but then he was sick on them and I just gave him another pair. But I'd already decided to take him to the ED so I don't know what I was thinking."

Lofty patted him on the arm. "It's okay, Cal. We've seen people in here wearing much more worrying outfits than their pjs. I like them anyway. They're probably the most fashionable items of clothing I've ever seen Ethan wear."

Cal knew Lofty's words were designed to make him feel better, but he didn't want anyone insulting his brother now. "Yeah, like you're such an expert on fashion."

"Sorry," said Lofty, abashed but not offended. "I'll go and get Ethan a wheelchair and then I'll be right with you."

Ethan tensed up and started to shake. "No, no, no, no, no," he whispered.

Cal put his arms more securely around him, his relief at hearing Ethan speak outweighed by Ethan's obvious distress. "It's okay, Ethan. It's going to be fine. Lofty didn't mean anything."

Ethan's breaths were coming in little gasps now. He clung onto Cal, still shaking.

"Ethan, I need you to breathe for me," said Cal, more upset than ever but determined to control it. He held Ethan's face in his hands so he could see into his eyes. "Can you breathe with me, Ethan?"

Ethan's eyes were wild and for a moment, Cal wasn't sure he understood. But then he began to breathe with Cal.

Cal was relieved when Lofty arrived with the wheelchair, but when Cal tried to guide Ethan towards it, his little brother burst into tears.

"No, no, no!" he said again between sobs, and Cal caught him close again.

"It's all right, mate," said Lofty. His face showed his concern and surprise, but his voice was calm. "You don't have to go in the wheelchair if you don't want to, Ethan." He moved it out of the way and looked questioningly at Cal, but Cal shook his head.

"I don't know," he said, his voice catching. "All I know is that he's been taking drugs and it's all my fault!"

Lofty looked completely stunned. "Drugs? _Ethan?_ Are you sure?"

"Look at his eyes." Cal tried to lift Ethan's head from his shoulder. "Come on, Ethan. Can you look at Lofty for a minute?"

"It does look like he's taken something," admitted Lofty. "But it seems a bit out of character."

"I know." Cal's eyes filled with tears. "But I asked him if he'd taken something and he said yes. Well, he didn't say yes. He hasn't spoken at all except for saying my name once and saying no just now." Cal could barely see Lofty through the tears in his eyes. "Please, Lofty. Please help Ethan."

"Of course I will," said Lofty, sounding quite emotional himself. He rubbed Cal's back and put his other hand on Ethan's shoulder. "Ethan? Can you hear me, mate? We're going to take you to a cubicle, okay? We'll walk with you."

Their progress was slow, but at least it was progress. Ethan walked between them, still crying, but more quietly now. Lofty talked to him encouragingly while Cal tried to hold back his tears. Halfway there, Ethan leaned over suddenly and vomited on the floor.

"Sorry," said Cal, while Ethan looked absolutely stricken with guilt.

"It's okay," said Lofty. "We'll find someone to clean that up. Don't worry, Ethan. It happens all the time and Zoe did ask me to find something for Max to do. He's done nothing but stalk her so far. This looks like just the kind of thing she had in mind."

"Don't ask him to clean up yet," said Cal. "Take a sample first. It might tell us what Ethan's been taking."

Lofty looked less than enthusiastic, but he nodded. "Yeah, sure. Come on, Ethan. We'll go to the cubicle and then you can lie down."

He and Cal steered Ethan around the mess and into an empty cubicle. Cal helped Ethan onto the bed and perched on the edge of it, holding Ethan's hand. "Lofty? Do you think Zoe might be able to treat Ethan?" said Cal.

"I'll see if I can find her," said Lofty. He put a bowl on Ethan's lap. "There you are, mate. I'll be back in a minute. Just got to take a sample, get Max to clean up and then find Zoe. That's everything, isn't it?"

"That's right," said Cal. "Thanks, Lofty." He turned back to his brother.

Ethan was still crying, his tears dripping down his cheeks and falling into the kidney bowl.

Cal could hardly bear it. He put his arms around Ethan and held him tightly. "I'm going to make this better," he vowed. "I don't know how. I don't know how much I'll be able to do. But I'll make everything all right. And I'm sorry, Ethan. I'm sorry."


	3. Chapter 3

_Thank you so much again for all the amazing comments, follows and favourites. I'm not really happy with the flow of this chapter, but I'm hoping it's because I'm using a different computer and everything looks weird._

 **theverystuffoflife** , don't worry, it does make sense. The idea of Ethan being a drug addict is so completely impossible (plus, we know Cal's wrong), it probably would be funny if the truth wasn't so horrible. Thank you for the review!

 **Teeloganroryflan** , thank you for the review. I'm so happy you enjoyed the second chapter. As we already know what's wrong with Ethan, I thought Cal needed something to feel guilty for too. It wasn't difficult to think of something!

 **charlibear13** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you're enjoying it and I'm trying to keep it going, but I'm worried it might be fizzling out!

 **ETWentHome** , and a third chapter too, which I'm really hoping isn't as awful as it seems! I thought I'd better bring in a doctor to help Ethan, and Zoe seemed a better bet than Dylan! Thank you for the review.

 **Becs2202** , thank you so much, that's really kind of you. And thank you for saying it's delicate - that's not the kind of comment I usually get in RL when dealing with difficult situations so that's really encouraging!

 **VictoriaAnnxx** , Cal does tend to get distressed quite a lot in my fics, but I do love the sensitive side he showed in Born Lucky! I agree - Cal will be both relieved and distressed to learn the truth. Thank you very much for your review.

 **LittleBritishPerson** , would you believe me if I told you you're wrong and there isn't a Chapter 3? No, I didn't think so! Cal will find out the truth in this chapter. Thank you for your review!

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your reviews on Chapters 1 and 2. I was annoyed Bonnie got away, but perhaps that is a sign she will be returning in the future. No, I'm sure vomit samples isn't Lofty's favourite part of his job! I wanted to put a couple of jokes in to relieve the tension a bit.

 **Tato Potato** , aw thank you! That's really sweet! I've actually written a few books, but no-one wants to publish or even read them. But at least I can still write fanfiction. Thank you for the review!

* * *

Cal was trying to calm himself enough to say more when the curtain was pushed aside.

"Ethan," said Zoe. She went to Ethan's side and hugged him. "It's all right. Robyn told me. It's going to be all right. None of this is your fault."

"Robyn? How could Robyn know?" said Cal, confused.

Zoe ignored him, her attention still on Ethan. "Don't cry, darling. It's all right."

Lofty had followed Zoe into the cubicle. He was carrying a little box of tissues which he put on the bed beside Ethan's bowl. "There you are, Ethan. Don't worry, mate. Zoe's here now."

"Yeah, and so am I," said Cal aggressively. "And I'm worried to death about my brother so if you could actually bring yourself to answer my question..."

Zoe reached across Ethan to touch Cal's hand. "I'm sorry, Cal. I know you have questions, but I really need to examine your brother first." Zoe took Ethan's hand in hers. "Is it all right if I examine you, Ethan?"

Ethan nodded faintly and started to dry his tears.

Cal wanted to object; to scream; to demand answers, but he knew Zoe was right. He could find out about Robyn's part in this later. He stayed on the bed with Ethan and held his brother's hand.

"I'm sorry, Cal, but I'll need you to get off the bed for a minute," said Zoe. "Why don't you and Lofty go and get some coffee?"

Cal swung round to glare at her. "You seriously think I'd leave him?"

Lofty spoke gently but firmly. "Cal, if you don't calm down a little bit, Zoe might have to ask you to leave."

"He's my brother!" shouted Cal. "No-one can ask me to-"

Zoe looked up. "Outside, Caleb. You can come back in once you've calmed down."

Cal closed his eyes and his head fell forward onto his chest. He knew Zoe was right. He felt Lofty's arm going around him in silent support as the two of them left the cubicle. Lofty said nothing and Cal appreciated it. He didn't want Lofty to tell him everything was going to be all right. How could anything be all right again when Ethan was a drug addict?

After a while, Cal's breathing slowed. "What does Robyn have to do with this?" he asked, his voice almost calm now.

"I don't know, mate." Lofty's voice was apologetic. "I haven't really spoken to her. She's gone home now. But Zoe seems to know everything that's happened and I'm sure she'll tell you once she's finished treating Ethan."

"Didn't Zoe tell you anything?" asked Cal.

Lofty shook his head. "Sorry, mate. I'm just the nurse."

Cal wasn't surprised. He turned and looked at the closed curtain hiding Ethan from his view. "Can we go back in? I'm calm now. I don't want to be away from him."

Lofty looked at him for a moment, then nodded. "Sure."

He pulled the curtain aside. Zoe was attaching a drip to Ethan's arm; she ignored Cal and Lofty. Ethan was still crying silently. Cal went over to him and held his hand. With his other hand, he wiped away Ethan's tears. Ethan said nothing, but he turned his head and stared at Cal, his eyes a bit more focused now.

Cal felt close to tears again and he got a most uncharacteristic urge to tell Ethan he loved him, but he managed to stop himself.

"Well done," Zoe said to Ethan and gave him another hug. Then she reached across the bed and touched Cal's hand. "I'm sorry, Cal. We will talk soon. Lofty, could you take some bloods for me, please?"

"Just bloods?" said Lofty, and Cal knew he was enquiring about urine samples. Ethan wasn't blushing, so he probably hadn't realised what Lofty meant. Cal wasn't sure if he was glad about that or not. He didn't want Ethan to be embarrassed, but he also wanted Ethan to get better and be Ethan again.

Zoe nodded. "Just bloods for now. We can do other tests if the blood results don't help us."

Cal gave her a grateful smile. "Thanks, Zoe. And I'm sorry about…"

"Don't worry about it," said Zoe with a reassuring smile. "It's natural. How about we step outside and have a chat while Lofty's taking the bloods?"

Cal looked at Ethan and shook his head. "I can't leave him."

"Okay," said Zoe with a reassuring smile. She left Ethan's side and went to stand beside Cal, giving Lofty space to take the bloods. "Ethan's vital signs are good. His pulse is 54, which I would think is on the slow side for Ethan, but it's regular as you can probably hear. His breathing is a little bit shallow, but I think that can be explained by his distressed state. It has improved since you came back in. He's showing signs of dehydration, most likely from the vomiting, but we're giving him some fluids. I'm going to try to find out exactly what he's taken, but early indications suggest he won't need further medical treatment, though of course we'll monitor him and keep him hydrated."

Cal stared at her in disbelief. "What do you mean he won't need further treatment?" he said angrily, his eyes filling with tears again. "He's a drug addict! He needs help!"

He expected Zoe to reprimand him for raising his voice again, but her expression was one of amazement. "A drug addict? Cal, please tell me you know your own brother better than that!"

"I thought I did," said Cal. His voice was shaking. "But I asked him if he'd taken something and he said yes. Well, he nodded. He's not really talking much. I don't know if that's the drugs or the shock."

"It looks like it's almost certainly the shock," said Zoe. "Ethan was able to communicate clearly after taking the drugs. It could be a delayed reaction, but it seems unlikely." Zoe turned towards Ethan. She waited until he was looking at her and then spoke clearly, but not patronisingly. "Ethan, have you _willingly_ taken drugs?"

"No!" said Ethan, shaking his head emphatically. He turned to look at Cal. "No."

Cal hugged him, too overcome with relief to think of anything else. "I'm sorry. It's my fault. I must have said the question wrong. I'm sorry, Ethan."

"No. Not… not… fault," said Ethan with difficulty.

Cal hid his face in Ethan's shoulder and tried not to cry. Ethan was usually so precise in his use of language. Cal had heard him stutter and become confused, but he'd never seen Ethan like this before.

"Right: that's all done, Ethan," sad Lofty. "Well done, mate. I'll deliver the samples personally and see if I can't use my charm to persuade them to hurry up a bit. If Cal can do it, why not me?"

Zoe thanked him and Lofty left the cubicle.

"Ethan, I'm sorry," said Cal. "I never should have assumed you'd taken the drugs willingly. I know you, Ethan. I know you wouldn't do that. But…" He stopped, feeling suddenly sick. "But if he didn't take the drugs willingly…"

Zoe's voice was gentle. "I'm sorry, Cal. One of the patients gave Ethan a cup of coffee. It was drugged."

Cal was trembling so hard, he was making the bed shake. "How could you let that happen?"

Ethan was crying again, but he seemed to know Cal was upset. He put his arms around him. Something terrible had happened to Ethan and he still wanted to protect Cal. Cal hugged him back and told himself he wouldn't cry. He mustn't. He had to be strong.

Zoe reached across the bed to touch Cal's arm. "I wasn't here to prevent it, but I'm not sure anyone could have done. It's best if I tell you from the beginning, Cal. Right from the beginning. Do you remember a patient called Bonnie Curtis?"

Ethan whimpered and Cal stroked his back. "Sh, Nibbles: it's okay." He looked at Zoe. "Maybe we shouldn't discuss this in front of Ethan."

"Shall we go outside?" said Zoe agreeably, but Ethan tightened his hold on Cal and shook his head violently.

Cal stroked his hair. "Ethan, of course I'll stay if you want me to, but I need to know what happened and it might upset you if we talk about it here."

"Stay," whispered Ethan. "Please."

"Okay, I'll stay," said Cal soothingly. "Did you say Bonnie Curtis?" He held Ethan even more tightly as he echoed the name. Cal shook his head. "It doesn't sound familiar. What did she look like?"

"I haven't met her," said Zoe, "but Robyn described her as a bit of a femme fatale."

Cal gasped as he realised. "I don't want to upset you, Ethan, but is that the girl you had a bit of a thing for? The one who, um, increased your heartbeat a bit?" He was usually only too happy to make fun of the weird things his brother said, but he would not be mentioning Ethan's 'fluttering heart' in front of Zoe or anyone else if he could help it.

Ethan gave a little sob and nodded.

Cal looked sharply at Zoe. " _She_ drugged Ethan's coffee? Why would she do that?"

"Bonnie was in an abusive relationship," said Zoe. "The last time she was here, she talked to Ethan about it. Ethan told her she shouldn't put up with his behaviour. Is that right, Ethan?"

Ethan nodded and sobbed into Cal's chest.

Cal held his little brother as tightly as he could. "That was good advice, Ethan," he said helplessly. "That was very good advice."

"But she interpreted his advice in her own way," said Zoe. "She decided her boyfriend needed to die. She planned his death carefully did what she could to ensure he wouldn't be resuscitated. She was proud of her plan and decided to share it with Ethan, but she gave him some drugged coffee first and he fell asleep. When he woke up, he remembered everything Bonnie had told him and reported her to the police."

Ethan was still crying. Cal felt as though someone had driven all the breath from his body, but he did his best to soothe Ethan. "Ethan, it's okay. You did the right thing. You're a braver man than I am and a better man and I'm proud of you."

"No," whispered Ethan and sobbed even harder.

Cal patted his back helplessly, his own eyes pooling with tears. "I know it's hard to do that to someone you love. You know I couldn't do it. But you did do the right thing. It's the best thing for her as well. Now she's got the chance to turn her life around."

"I'm afraid it's a bit more complicated than that," said Zoe. "Because of the advice he gave her, Ethan considers himself an accessory to murder."

* * *

Cal looked down at his sleeping brother. His eyes were red and his face tearstained, but he looked more relaxed. The drug had been identified and was now out of his system. Cal had done his best to assure him he'd done the right thing and was in no way to blame for what had happened, and Ethan seemed to know that Cal genuinely believed that.

But Ethan still thought it was all his fault.

Cal realised now that this belief had affected Ethan more than the drug. While the disorientation of being drugged and the knowledge that someone had done it to you would upset a lot of people, Cal thought that Ethan could probably have coped with that.

But guilt was different.

Cal had been offered a bed in the staff room, but he hadn't taken it, instead accepting Lofty's offer of a chair beside Ethan's bed. He didn't want to leave Ethan and he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep. He wasn't sure he'd ever be able to sleep again.

Cal felt tears threatening. He'd been wanting all along for Zoe to offer some explanation that meant Ethan wasn't taking drugs, but the explanation she'd provided had given Cal no relief.

Poor Ethan. Toyed with and drugged and left to blame himself for everything. Cal had tried telling him it wasn't his fault. They all had. But Ethan's guilt remained.

The hatred Cal felt towards Bonnie almost frightened him. It was a much bigger and wilder emotion than the 'hatred' he often felt for Ethan.

Though not now. He could never hate him now. He felt deep compassion and sadness as well, but also admiration. Cal had been in a similar situation to Ethan. He'd loved a girl who'd committed a crime. But he'd done nothing about it. He'd had to rely on Ethan to do it for him.

But when Ethan had found himself in Cal's position, he hadn't tried to deny it or convince himself it wasn't true. He hadn't let himself get caught up in his feelings for Bonnie. He hadn't tried to convince himself that Bonnie loved him and he was different – as if that was even relevant. He'd just recognised her crime and reported it.

Even with a drug inside him, he'd been clear-headed enough to do that.

But now it was all over, Ethan's clear thinking had deserted him and it was up to Cal to look after him as Ethan had always done for him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Becs2202** , thank you so much for your review. I'm glad you like the comparisons with the Taylor situation - that was one of the first things that struck me about the episode.

 **Tato Potato** , aw thank you so much! I love your reviews. I've enjoyed writing about Cal caring for Ethan - it's usually the other way around in my stories!

 **VictoriaAnnxx** , sorry, but I won't end the story there as I've written another chapter! I'm really glad you like it so far apart from the drug addict thing. I really regret writing that now. Thank you for your review.

 **LittleBritishPerson** , I'm sure Ethan would be very grateful for your hugs! I wanted to hug him when I was watching the episode. Even when he was soaking wet! Thank you for the review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review - I'm really happy you enjoyed the chapter. I had to write some patient, gentle Lofty after he was left out of the episode!

 **CBloom2** , I love Cal like this too, but of course I do love Cal no matter what he does, pretty much! Thank you for your review.

 **ETWentHome** , thank you so much for your review. I'm really happy you like it. I didn't think I could really leave Cal in the dark for any longer!

 **ProfessorElk** , thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story. I'm happy you enjoyed it, even though it was sad.

 _I know a lot of you thought it was the end, but there is just one more chapter. I hope it's not an anticlimax._

* * *

Cal did his best to fight his emotions, but the knowledge that someone would do that to his baby brother, and that his baby brother blamed himself for her actions, broke Cal's heart.

Cal took another glance at his brother through a mist of tears, assured himself he was still asleep and that his vital signs were okay, and then rushed out into the corridor as his tears overwhelmed him. Uncaring of passers-by, he leaned against the wall and sobbed out all his anger and helplessness. He'd done everything he could for Ethan and would continue to do so, but he knew it might never be enough.

He knew that no matter how many times he told Ethan he wasn't to blame, it wouldn't stop Ethan from blaming himself. He could be living with the guilt forever. The guilt that wasn't even his.

Why did it have to be Ethan? Why couldn't Bonnie have chosen Cal instead? It would probably have left him in a worse mess than Ethan because Ethan was so much stronger than him, but at least then Ethan wouldn't be blaming himself.

If Cal had been a better brother, this might not even have happened. He was a bit hazy on how he could have stopped it; he couldn't keep an eye on his brother at every moment. Even if he had been working tonight, he might easily have not seen Bonnie and even if he had, he wouldn't have thought anything of it.

But if Cal had really paid attention to Bonnie instead of laughing at Ethan for making his feelings so obvious, he might have seen what Ethan had missed.

Cal hadn't seen what Taylor was like, but that was different. Cal had actually been in love with Taylor, so her faults had been invisible to him. Bonnie was hot, but Cal hadn't loved her. He should have seen what she was like and warned Ethan.

Then Cal realised that wouldn't have helped. Ethan wouldn't have listened to him. If he'd been a better brother; if he'd watched out for Ethan as he should have done, then Ethan might have listened, but he hadn't been a good brother. All he'd done was make Ethan's life a misery. He'd left him to deal with their mother's illness alone. He'd made Ethan's life hell because his mother had given Ethan power of attorney over his inheritance. He'd teased him, taunted him, abused his hospitality by getting drunk and bringing one-night stands home… and then he'd stolen from him. His little brother.

All Cal could do was try to make up for it, but he couldn't help thinking it was too late. Ethan had been so short with him lately. He'd been impatient with Cal when he'd felt like a waste of space and completely dismissive of Cal's chances of becoming a consultant. He'd probably had enough of Cal and was just waiting for him to do something bad enough to give him an excuse to throw him out.

But then Cal remembered.

He remembered the way Ethan had come to him tonight when he was upset, unwell and confused. He remembered how Ethan had clung to him in terror and sobbed in his arms.

He remembered the comforting hug Ethan had given him, even in the midst of his own distress.

No, there was still a chance, Cal told himself as he lifted up his top and wiped his face on it. It was a pyjama top. Cal had brought Ethan to the ED without dressing him properly and felt terrible about it, but he hadn't even given a thought to what _he_ was wearing. He wondered if he'd done his hair and touched it experimentally, realising immediately that he hadn't.

Cal waited for the embarrassment, but it didn't come. Because it wasn't important.

Nothing mattered but Ethan.

The tears filled Cal's eyes again and he sobbed against the wall once more, but then he heard someone say his name and put gentle hands on Cal's shoulders, slowly turning him away from the wall and firmly hugging him.

"I think the cubicle just over here is empty," said Lofty. "So we can hijack it for now."

Cal knew it wasn't officially allowed, but he didn't care. They sat on the bed and Lofty hugged him again and didn't say anything else for a while. He probably knew that all Cal needed was to be held: to draw on someone else's strength after using so much of his own. Lofty had more strength than a lot of people realised. More than Cal had realised, if he was honest. Lofty was a very good nurse, but everyone tended to forget that because of his inclination to clumsiness.

But Cal didn't think he could ever forget how kind Lofty had been to Ethan.

Lofty held Cal until he'd stopped crying. "I'll get you a cup of tea."

"I need to go back to Ethan," said Cal anxiously. He didn't want Ethan to see him like this, but he'd been away for too long already.

Lofty nodded. "That's fine. I'll bring the tea to Ethan's cubicle."

"Thanks, Lofty." Cal sniffed. "Sorry for being stupid."

"You're not being stupid," said Lofty, his voice gentle but full of conviction. He patted Cal's arm and they left the cubicle together.

* * *

Cal was dozing in the chair beside Ethan's bed when he heard his brother cry out. He woke up at once: a glance was enough to tell him Ethan was asleep. Cal moved to his side and shook him gently.

"Ethan, it's all right. You're having a nightmare. It's not real. It's all over now. You're safe in the hospital and the drug's out of your system and I'm right here."

"No, no, no," Ethan was sobbing.

Cal shook him a bit harder. "Ethan, open your eyes. It's just a nightmare."

Ethan went still and some of the rigidity left his body. He opened his eyes and blinked short-sightedly up at Cal. "It is my fault."

"No, it's not," said Cal. He'd said it many times already. He knew he'd have to say it many times more. But he was determined he would never grow impatient with his brother. He would say it every day for the rest of their lives if he had to.

But he hoped he wouldn't have to because he couldn't bear for Ethan to feel this way for the rest of his life.

"It's not your fault," said Cal. He let go of Ethan's shoulders and took his hands in his. Ethan's eyes were wide and frightened, but no longer dilated or unfocused. "It's not your fault, Ethan. I know that; Zoe knows that; Robyn knows that; Iain knows that. The police know that as well. All you did was make a reasonable suggestion which any doctor or nurse in your position might have made. I've given that advice myself. So has Zoe. So have most of the doctors in the ED. You're responsible for giving the advice, but you're not responsible for how the patient interprets it. You couldn't have known how Bonnie would twist your words. Nobody could have predicted that. It's not your fault, Ethan."

Ethan gave a little sigh and closed his eyes as more tears spilled onto his cheeks.

Cal wiped them away and sat beside Ethan on the bed. "You've done nothing wrong, Ethan. Everything you've done today – and everything you've done with regard to Bonnie – has always been right. You saw that a crime had been committed and you were strong enough and brave enough to push your feelings aside and do the right thing. I couldn't do that. I needed you to help me."

Ethan shook his head. "No. Different."

"Not really," said Cal. "The difference was between us. You were strong and I was weak." His voice wavered but then filled with intensity. "But it won't be like that again, Ethan. I'm going to do better now. I'm going to _be_ better. I'm not saying I'll get it right every time. I'm not like you. But I'm going to try. I'm going to help you get through this. I want to look after you like you've looked after me." He looked anxiously at Ethan. "It's not too late is it?"

"No. Never." Ethan cuddled closer to Cal and closed his eyes.

Cal stroked his hair and thought how lucky he was to have Ethan. Anyone would be lucky to have Ethan for a brother, but Cal felt he was especially lucky after all the pain he'd caused Ethan. He didn't deserve him, but he was here and holding on to Cal.

"Night time?" murmured Ethan.

Cal smiled. "It's daytime, Nibbles, and Zoe says you'll probably be discharged soon, but you go back to sleep if you're tired. If you have another nightmare, I'll wake you up again. As many times as it takes. Okay?"

Ethan nodded and the corner of his mouth lifted just slightly.

His first smile. His first smile since it had happened.

Actually the first smile Cal had seen from him for weeks.

Cal remembered the first time Ethan had ever smiled at him, so many years ago. He'd felt so special and so lucky to have a little brother. He felt like that again now. "Can you close your eyes for me?"

Ethan closed his eyes.

"That's right," said Cal. He stroked Ethan's hair. "It's going to be okay, Nibbles. I'm right here. You did the right thing and I'm proud of you. Very proud."

Cal listened to Ethan's breathing change as he drifted off to sleep.

"I love you, Ethan," whispered Cal. "And this time I won't forget it."


End file.
